A hangover is an experience, boy is it an experience. What’s the best way to banish it?
By ROSA GOLLAN
The Simpson Desert forming in your mouth, drool oozing down your chin, the woven mat of your hair, the crusty mascara in your eyelashes, your brains sloshing around in its own wine-infused cerebrospinal fluid and, of course, an unquenchable queasiness rising from your core.
Basically, during a hangover your body is as desperate to repair itself as your pick-up attempts from the night before and you need to replenish amino acids ASAP to get your liver up and running.
So lets get cracking.
Scenario #1 – The Big Breakfast
Drinks consumed: 3 sparkling with orange juice, 2 gin & tonics, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 tequila shot, ¼ goon sack
Hangover symptoms: sore legs, pounding head, dry mouth, calling in sick to work.
Cure: Buttery vegemite toast for entrée, two fried eggs, crispy bacon with some melted Gruyere cheese and lashings of Mexican chilli sauce on a soft white bun for main.
If you haven’t already thrown it all up, carbs and protein are great for soaking up the booze smoothie in your stomach so your body has something else to process it with.
Rating: One of the few upsides of a hangover is you can put your diet on the shelf today and treat yourself to relatively guilt-free deliciousness, perhaps it’s mostly psychological but I felt right as rain after this cure.
Scenario #2 – The Minimalist
Drinks consumed: 2 double vodka lime sodas, 2 sparkling wines, too many tequila shots.
Hangover symptoms: vomiting, extreme nausea, dehydration, loss of dignity
Cure: Tap water, coconut water, powerade, gastrolyte, and peppermint tea
Tequila is the devil and after waking up a little worse for wear, I soon discovered there was nothing I could keep down. Back to the basics it: lots of liquid. I started with small sips of tap water and eventually upgraded to coconut water, which I recommend because it tastes delicious, is refreshing and full of potassium and electrolytes. By the evening, after a variety of other drinks, I was onto solids, one whole banana!
Rating: While not very satisfying, this cure really worked a treat at rehydrating and replenishing my body, but I would avoid this level of hungover at all costs.
Scenario #3 – Exercise
Drinks consumed: 2 ciders
Hangover symptoms: dizziness, bags under eyes, unnatural and misleading amount of energy
Cure: 20 minutes of running, jogging, or walking.
This hangover was on the milder side, but I had very little sleep so I woke up and was on overdrive. A dawdle to brisk walk with plenty of fluids with you could certainly help speed up the body expelling the toxins in your body. But sex is exercise! You’re thinking. Dr Joris Verster from the University of Utrecht debunks this by saying, “There is no research that shows that sex will make a hangover go away, but maybe it will make the time go faster.”
Rating: This may work for some, but not for me. In hindsight I would not recommend running, walking, or even leaving the house. Perhaps just stay in bed.
Scenario #4 – Hair of the Dog
Drinks consumed: 3 cups of punch, 1 amaretto sour, 1 unknown concoction involving crème de cacao.
Hangover symptoms: Unknown, hangover not yet reached.
200ml quality tomato juice
2 tspns Worcestershire sauce
½ a lemon
While this ingredient list is extensive for a drunk person, I’ve taken the liberty of translating the assembly instructions into a simple motto for your day to day life: mix ingredients, top with bacon.
Rating: While drinking to cure a hangover is always going to lead to a greater downfall, there are never enough excuses to make a bloody good Bloody Mary, here is your chance if ever there was one. Funnily enough, the saying ‘hair of the dog’ exists in lots of different languages so clearly it has been tried and tested in many other parts of the world.
EDIT – Hangover from previous hangover now reached. Not recommended.
Originally published on I’ll Drink To That Magazine